Most People Don’t Really Want to Heal
Kevin B. Burk, author of The Relationship Handbook: How to
Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life.
I recently attended a metaphysical lecture facilitated
by Guy Williams, a friend of mine who also happens to be a minister
of Religious Science. After the lecture, Guy opened the floor
for prayer requests, and one of the attendees asked for healing
for a family member who was experiencing a significant health
In the course of the discussion, Guy asked if the
attendee was certain that her family member actually wanted to
heal, observing, “Most people don’t really want to heal. Most
people just want to stop hurting.”
Once again, an off-hand comment by Guy Williams
completely rearranged the furniture in my head. (If you’d like
to see the results of some of Guy’s other off-hand comments,
check out The
Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship
in Your Life. The sections on forgiveness and anger
are both inspired by Guy’s wisdom).
Most people don’t want to heal. Most people just
want to stop hurting.
Most of us want to wave a magic wand and make the
pain go away. Most of us focus on treating the symptoms: we’ll
take pills, injections, or have surgery. We claim that we want
to heal, but we rarely choose to heal. We remain motivated as
long as we’re in pain, and once that pain has become bearable
or manageable, we choose to return to our normal lives.
This is not healing.
For most of us, healing is a big, scary, and uncomfortable
prospect. Healing requires that we do two very simple, yet incredibly
unappealing tasks. First, we must accept that we are responsible
for creating our own illness: Our thoughts, beliefs, choices and
actions are directly responsible for the imbalance and dis-ease
we are experiencing in our physical bodies. Second, we must be
willing to change our lives and eliminate the thoughts, beliefs,
choices and actions that created and supported the imbalance and
dis-ease, replacing them with new choices that support balance
The process of healing really is very simple, and
if we break it down into small, manageable steps, following the
process can also become easy as well. As with most challenges
we encounter during our human experience, healing requires that
we first become familiar with and learn how to master our egos.
THE CARE AND FEEDING OF THE EGO
Let’s begin by remembering who we truly are. We
are each whole and complete, eternal, multi-dimensional beings,
individualized aspects of All That Is. We are also each currently
having a human experience, in the third dimension of matter and
form, on the planet Earth.
When we begin our human experiences, we’re given
a very useful tool to help us to interact with the third dimension:
the ego. The ego is entirely a third-dimensional construct. In
a sense, we put on an “ego suit” so that we can experience and
explore the third dimension from a unique and specific point of
view. The ego helps us to pretend that we are individuals; more
specifically, the ego helps us to pretend that we’re not, in fact,
connected to each other as a part of All That Is. Ultimately,
our egos are designed to help us to remember where we left our
car keys, and not much else.
The problem is that our egos don’t know this.
Our ego believes that its job is to protect us
from what it perceives to be a very cruel and dangerous universe.
Since the ego was created to help us maintain the illusion of
separation from the Source, separation is all that the ego knows.
The ego feels lost, isolated and alone. In an attempt to protect
us from the pain of the world, the ego increases our sense of
separation. Of course, the greater the separation, the more pain.
The more the ego tries to protect us from the pain of separation,
the more pain it causes.
The ego’s single greatest fear is death. Everything
the ego does, it does to try to prevent itself from being destroyed.
The ego can be destroyed—it’s a product of the third dimension,
and therefore it’s fragile and finite. We, on the other
hand, are eternal, multi-dimensional beings who can never die
or be destroyed because we are a part of All That Is. We get into
trouble when we start to identify with our egos and forget our
true natures. When we start to believe that we are our egos, we
see the world from our ego’s point of view and experience fear
All fear comes from the ego. All fear, in fact,
is directly related to the ego’s fear of being destroyed. Fear
can only exist when we believe that we are separated from the
Source. The more we believe the ego, the more we believe we are
separate from the Source, and the more we experience fear.
Only two states of being exist: fear and love.
We experience fear when we listen to the ego and buy into the
idea that we’re separate from the universe. We experience love
when we remember the truth that we are whole and complete. It’s
not possible to experience both states of being at the same time,
although most of us are masters at switching between them almost
Many of us are familiar with the truth that our
reality is nothing more than words. Our thoughts and beliefs define
our experience of reality. Therefore, if we change the words,
we change the world. We can, in fact, change our lives in an instant,
simply by choosing to create more elegant and supportive thoughts.
We can release any negative belief, eliminate any destructive
pattern, and instantly experience the levels of joy, love and
prosperity that are our birthright.
The challenge is that the ego does not understand
this. And, more to the point, the ego has a vested interest in
making sure that we do not change our thoughts,
beliefs, patterns or behaviors. Moreover, whenever we do set an
intention to change our thoughts, our egos interfere in subtle
and insidious ways to insure that we continue to think, believe,
and behave exactly as we have in the past.
And why does the ego do this? The ego does this
in order to protect us. One could even go so far as to say the
ego does this because it loves us. Granted, it’s definitely a
“Mommy Dearest” “No-More-Wire-Hangers” kind of love, but even
so, when the ego encourages us to cling to our painful, negative
beliefs, it does so because it truly believes that it’s acting
in our best interest.
Remember, the ego is a part of the third dimension;
we are not. What the ego believes is in our best interest is not
always actually in our best interest.
The ego believes that it is protecting us from
being destroyed. (In point of fact, the ego is actually protecting
itself from being destroyed. The ego can be destroyed.
We, on the other hand, cannot, because we are eternal,
multi-dimensional beings, and individualized aspects of All That
Is.) The ego believes that even our most painful, limiting beliefs
are essential, because the small amount of pain that we experience
actually protects us from a much bigger pain: death.
When we choose to change our thinking, we must
be careful not to trigger our egos. One of the most powerful ways
to approach changing our thoughts and beliefs is to consider this
Every belief that we currently hold,
no matter how negative, painful, limiting, and even wrong it
may be, actually serves us. Because we are whole, complete and
perfect exactly as we are, it follows that each and every one
of our beliefs is also perfect.
This may seem a strange approach to changing our
thinking, but consider it more deeply. The root of every negative,
limiting belief is the belief that there is something wrong with
us. This belief, in turn, can only exist when we buy into the
illusion that we are separate, and forget the truth that we are
completely and eternally connected to all of creation; that since
we are individualized aspects of All That Is, we are, by our very
Often, when we believe that there is something
wrong with our beliefs, we trigger the ego. As a result, we beat
ourselves up for having created the negative belief in the first
place. This, of course, only reinforces the root of all of our
negative beliefs: that there is something wrong with us. When
we accept ourselves and our current beliefs as perfect, we avoid
triggering the ego. This is the most effective way of actually
changing our beliefs.
Once we’ve convinced our ego that there’s nothing
wrong with the beliefs that we currently hold, we can introduce
a new thought. While all of our beliefs are currently working
just fine, it may be possible to upgrade our beliefs, and
make more elegant choices.
Consider this: most of our most limiting and painful
beliefs were formed while we were children. We created these beliefs
using the resources and skills available to us at the time, in
order to protect us from very specific circumstances and situations.
Even though these beliefs worked beautifully when we were children,
we’ve never actually updated them. Our circumstances have changed.
We’ve developed significantly greater skills, and have infinitely
more choices and resources at our disposal as adults than we did
as children. It may just be possible that we can create a new
belief that does an even better job of protecting us than the
old one did.
Or, to put it another way, when we formed most
of our painful and negative beliefs, we only had the 8-color box
of crayons to use. Now, as adults, we have access to the big,
128-color box. The 8-color beliefs still serve us, but when we’re
ready, we can also choose to upgrade and create more elegant,
skillful, and above all, more colorful beliefs.
Part 2, we will explore the steps that we must take in order to
truly heal.** [Read
Kevin B. Burk is the author of
Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every
Relationship in Your Life.
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